why cant i be happy, why can't i be happy

“Why Can’t I Be Happy?”: What To Do When You’re Not Happy

Have you been wondering, “Why can’t I be happy?”

You’ve got a good job, a supportive partner, a loving family, and loyal friends. So, why do you feel unhappy all the time? You know that you’ve got a lot to be grateful for.

This disparity is more common than you might think. The good news? You don’t have to resign yourself to constant melancholy. You’ve recognized the problem. Now it’s time to do something about it!

Let’s look at some constructive ways to invite happiness into your life.

Why Can’t I Be Happy?

Here are some reasons why you might struggle to feel happy.

You Look To Other People For Happiness

Do you sometimes think to yourself, “Why can’t I be happy? I have a great partner!”

While your partner may make you happy to be with them, they should not be your sole source of happiness.

If you’re feeling massive pangs of loneliness anytime you’re on your own, you may need to learn how to stop depending on others for happiness.

When your happiness relies on other people, you are doing yourself a disservice. True joy comes from within. Only when you truly love yourself and feel happy to be yourself will you be able to acknowledge that love and acceptance from others.

You have the skills and the fortitude to be who, where and what you want to be. While it’s important to be with someone who makes you happy, it’s more important to be someone who makes you happy!

why cant i be happy

You Think Material Things Will Make You Happy

Perhaps you sometimes ask, “Why can’t I be happy? I have so many beautiful possessions!”

This is, sadly, how many people think. They believe that if they purchase more items, own nicer possessions, or drive a better car, then they will find happiness. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Surrounding yourself with material goods will not make you happy in the long term.

If you’re too focused on buying the next big thing, you need to learn to be happy with what you have. Who’s to say you’ll be happy with more?

The good news is that some of the happiest people in the world are those who have no material possessions! They appreciate the little things and are content with their lives. You can learn to do that too.

You Have Unrealistic Expectations

Movies and social media can warp your view of the world. Skewed perceptions of what happiness is can often be traced back to unrealistic images of happiness. It leads to thoughts like: “Why can’t I be happy like my favorite influencer?”

Sometimes, a simple life is a happy life.

When you obsess over other people’s lives on Instagram, Twitter, and other social media outlets, you are not focused on your own life.

Your own life is a reality show, the most intriguing one of all. Because it is your reality, you need to give it a thumbs up. This is not to say that all online content is bad, but you need to surround yourself with content that inspires you, not discourages you.

Happiness apps, such as the Do Happy App, can help you recognize all the good that exists in your life and be grateful for what you have. By focusing on the positives, you can begin to see all the wonderful things that make up your reality.

You Confuse Being Alone With Loneliness

lonely man

Loneliness and being alone are not the same thing, and you need to know the difference. You might need to learn to be happy alone.

Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely, and just because you’re lonely doesn’t mean you’re alone. It’s important to be able to tell the difference so you can address the real issue.

Loneliness is an emotional state while being alone is a physical state. Loneliness is a feeling of isolation, whereas being alone is simply the absence of others.

It is just as possible to be happy on your own as it is to be unhappy in a crowd. This is because your happiness, and unhappiness, come from inside you. There is no shame in being single. There is nothing wrong with enjoying some time on your own. But there is one caveat.

If you continually turn down invitations to socialize, you risk becoming a bit too antisocial and cut off from the world. Hey – we love alone time! A bit of solitude can be healthy, but we all need social connections too.

Hanging out with happy people is one of the rules for a happy life! Try to find a healthy balance between your ‘me time’ and your ‘free time’.

You’re Caught Up In The Victim Game

Do you often find yourself asking, “Why me?”

This type of thinking can get out of control and can lead to a downward spiral of self-pity.

Everyone has days when they feel a little down, or find it hard to be happy for others. These feelings are perfectly natural! You are not alone in this.

How you deal with a bad space can either help or hurt you. You will experience losses, disappointments, and conflicts in your life. These are part of the natural cycle!

When you shift your thinking about these experiences, you will find them much easier to get through. They are not obstacles to your success – they are opportunities to learn. They are not hindrances to your happiness – they are challenges to overcome on your path to peace.

woman looking in mirror

How To Be Happier When You’re In A Bad Space

If you’re pretending to be happy, or just feel sad, don’t worry. Here are some tips to help you help yourself into a better space!

You might also be interested in reading up about these 10 scientific ways to be happy.

Your Own Life, Your Own Words

Our words and thoughts create our reality!

You’re the only person in the world who can control your thoughts and your words. You have the power to create a life that you love.

Use your words to build yourself up, to encourage others, and to manifest your wildest dreams. Replace the negative words in your vocabulary with positive ones. Make a conscious effort to think positively and speak kindly.

positive words

Starting exercising positive affirmations daily to train your mind to think positively. Choose positive affirmations that focus on abundance, joy, and growth. Speak as if success is already yours and focus on what you can do, not on what you cannot. Reframe your thoughts and talk yourself up.

Your positive way of thinking will become a habit in no time. Your positivity will begin rubbing off on others too. Happiness is infectious, and kindness is contagious!

Focus On Health

All of that time spent investing in material goods can be better spent on your health. To have a healthy mind, you must start with a healthy body.

You might want to read this article: how does exercise make you happy?

Invest in your health with regular exercise and healthy food, as these will release ‘happiness chemicals’ into your brain!

If you’re interested in learning more about how to promote the release of happy chemicals in your body, read this article on happiness chemicals and how to hack them.

Start with small changes. Do online exercise classes, or spend time taking regular walks in the park. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Small steps in positive directions will get you to where you need to be!

Be Kinder To Yourself

Kindness is important – for you, and for those around you.

Being fit and eating healthy food will always do wonders for your self-esteem. But remember to use those positive words! If you want to say, “I’m trying to lose weight,” instead say, “I’m starting to live healthier.” By doing this, you make your journey a positive and rewarding one.

Your personal happiness will greatly benefit when you speak and act with self-compassion.  Treat yourself as you would treat your friends. Give yourself permission to feel and express whatever emotions come up.

The same goes for making mistakes — don’t be too hard on yourself. Sit with the feeling then find ways to work through it, such as writing down your thoughts or talking to someone you trust about what you’re going through.

Being kind to yourself also means that you take time to rest, relax and reflect. Get a massage or facial, or pick up a hobby like painting or playing an instrument. Take the time to work on yourself, and your mental state will naturally feel better than before.

man walking

Practice Gratitude Daily

While it’s true that you deserve to be happy, happiness is a habit. When was the last time you sat down and thought about why you should be happy?

Start a gratitude journal. Every morning when you wake up, or at night before you sleep, jot down a few things to be grateful for.

Even if you can’t think of more than one thing, write it down. After a while, it will become a normal part of your day, and your gratitude list will start to grow.

Sometimes, when you feel down and out, it’s hard to think of any silver lining. That’s totally fine! Pick something small that makes you happy and focus on that. It could be a beautiful sunny day or the fact that you can still laugh with your friends even during tough times.

It’s easy to forget all the good things and happy moments that make life so wonderful, especially when you’re feeling down. Look at your gratitude list from time to time and remind yourself of all  your reasons to be happy.

Gratitude will open your heart and make room for more happy thoughts and feelings.

Improve Your Social Circles Or Join A Support Group

Stop spending time with people who make you feel bad about yourself. Recognize that they are entitled to their opinions of you. Also, realize that it is your opinion of yourself that counts. Join a new group of people!

Support groups, charitable organizations, or even book clubs are examples of new groups to try. All that matters is that you are feeling uplifted in the company of those around you.

If you don’t, it’s time to move on. You might be interested in reading up on how to make friends as an introvert if you have difficulty connecting with new people.

Creating a healthy social circle is one of the best things you can do for yourself. You don’t have to go through your struggles alone — find people who are willing to support you during tough times!


Remember though that cultivating relationships is a two-way street. You need to offer your support and kindness too, as well as accept it when others give it to you.

Strong relationships require investment and effort, but the rewards are worth it. So, open up to those around you, ask questions, and develop meaningful connections. You’ll find that having a great support network of people you can rely on can make all the difference!

Do What You Love, Love What You Do

Whether it’s taking a class or starting a hobby or simply making time for ourselves, carving out space in our daily lives for the things that bring us happiness is key to finding balance and achieving personal satisfaction.

If you’re not feeling satisfied with your current job or situation, take a step back and evaluate what it is that you truly want. Maybe a new career path appeals to your interests more than the one you’re currently in. Or perhaps a different work environment or lifestyle will help make you feel fulfilled.

Regardless of the specifics, taking the time to do some soul-searching and figure out what makes you happy is essential if you want to feel content with your life. Once you identify the things that bring joy into your life, make sure to prioritize them.

Remember that success is different for everyone. Everyone has different goals and dreams and no two paths will look exactly alike. Don’t compare yourself to others or set unrealistic standards.

Focus on creating your own definition of success and allow yourself to take the time you need to get there. Get to a stage where you are living your best life, doing what you love, and loving what you do.

Seek Help If You Need It

Can depressed people be happy? If you’ve been struggling for a bit too long, seek professional help!


A mental health professional will work with you to get your life back on track. If you are diagnosed with a mental illness like anxiety disorder or major depression, this is nothing to be ashamed of!

A mental illness is not your fault and can be treated. It might be a tricky journey, but you deserve to be happy, and you should focus on looking after your mental health.

If you, or someone you know, is in a dark space, seek help immediately. You can call a national suicide prevention lifeline, which will offer non-judgmental help. These tend to be open 24/7.

These numbers are good to take note of if you or someone you know struggles with mental health or substance abuse. For those in the U.S., the number to know is 9-8-8.

Final Thoughts

To truly feel alive and experience true happiness, you need to look within.

We, as human beings, are all subject to bouts of unhappiness from time to time. We get caught up in the world around us and forget that inner joy can be ours if we just focus on our own lives.

Follow the steps above and you will open yourself up to a whole new world of possibilities.

You owe it to yourself to be happy. Take the time to recognize and appreciate yourself, reflect on what is missing in your life, and make the changes necessary to create a life that truly satisfies your needs.

Take the time to invest in relationships, hobbies and activities that bring you joy. Don’t be afraid to take risks to find new experiences that excite you. Most importantly, take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.

Remember: You have the power to create the life you desire and deserve. Make sure you use it. Good luck!

For more articles like this, check out the a little dose of happy blog for more tips on how to live a happier and more fulfilling life.

You might be interested in reading this article on why being happy is important.