9 Tips for Cultivating Relationships That Last

Do you want to have better, more fulfilling relationships?

Relationships, including both romantic relationships and platonic friendships, aren’t always easy. Cultivating relationships takes time and effort, but it’s worth the investment.

You can do many things to strengthen your relationships. This article will give you 9 tips for cultivating positive, healthy relationships that last.

The Importance of Cultivating Relationships

We all need friends and people who care about us. We need people who will listen when we’re upset or sad. We need people who can help us through tough times. And we need people who are there to celebrate with us in good times, too.

Research has made it clear that cultivating positive relationships is essential for our mental and physical health.

Good relationships help us live longer, healthier lives. They make life better. They give us support when we need it most and encourage our personal growth. They provide comfort and strength and make our lives more enjoyable. 

Thus, devotion to the people we care about is one of the key elements of happiness!

In a healthy relationship, both people feel connected and supported. Both people feel like they can be themselves without feeling judged or misunderstood. Both people feel they can give and receive love, from deep friendship to unconditional love.

To enjoy all the positive emotions and benefits of healthy relationships, you must be willing to invest time and energy in cultivating them.

What Does It Mean to Cultivate a Relationship?

Cultivation is the process of preparing and managing land for crops. It involves tilling the soil, planting seeds, watering the plants, and removing weeds.

Similarly, cultivating a relationship means doing things that help the relationship grow and blossom. It’s about developing the emotional bond between two people.

In other words, you must take an active role in your relationships. You can’t just sit back and expect things to happen. You have to maintain them through effective communication and actions that strengthen the relationship.

Nine Tips to Cultivate Healthier Relationships

Fortunately, there are many ways you can cultivate healthier, happier relationships. Here are some helpful tips:

1. Be Authentic.

Authenticity plays a key role in developing healthy, positive relationships.

It is important to be authentic from day one. When you are first getting to know someone, it can be tempting to put your best foot forward and try to be someone you think they will like. But this is a recipe for disaster.

If you want to build relationships based on trust and mutual respect, you need to be honest about who you are. You need to be genuine and authentic.

Authenticity refers to the degree to which you are honest about who you are. It includes expressing yourself without losing your sense of self.

When you’re authentic, you don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. When you’re being real, you show up as you really are. This means that if you’re angry, you’ll let others know how you feel. If you’re happy, you’ll share your happiness with them.

Being authentic helps build trust and intimacy. People know what to expect from you, and they know that they can rely on you to be yourself.

2. Be Present.

In today’s world, it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. We’re always on the go, and it can be difficult to slow down and be present in the moment.

But being present is vital if you want strong relationships.

When you spend time with a partner or friend, be fully present and give them your undivided attention. Listen to and focus on what they’re saying. Look them in the eye. Let them know that you’re interested in what they have to say.

Being present also means being aware of your own body and emotions. If you’re feeling angry or sad, take a moment to check in with yourself. Don’t try to hide how you’re feeling. Instead, be honest about it.

Making time for relationships is a deliberate choice. Rather than waiting for the “perfect moment” to connect, schedule regular touchpoints with the people who matter most. This might mean a weekly phone call with a parent, a monthly coffee date with a friend, or a daily check-in with your partner. 

When you plan these connections in advance, you’re more likely to follow through—and the other person knows they’re a priority in your life.

3. Be Thoughtful.

Relationships require thoughtfulness to thrive. This means being considerate of the other person’s needs and wants. It means taking their feelings into account.

Before you say or do something, think about how it will affect the other person. If you’re unsure, ask yourself if it’s something you would want to be on the receiving end of.

Being thoughtful includes taking time to keep in touch with friends and family. Sending a simple thinking of you message, a small thinking of you gift, or even a funny, inspirational quote can brighten someone’s day and show you value them.

Thoughtfulness becomes easier when you develop a system for staying connected. Keep a running list of important dates—not just birthdays, but also work presentations they mentioned, medical appointments, or deadlines they’re facing. Following up on these details shows you were listening and that you care about what’s happening in their world. Small, consistent gestures of thoughtfulness often mean more than grand, infrequent ones.

Remember to check on your happy friends and family members, too. If they’re truly happy, you can celebrate their successes and joys with them. Sometimes, however, those you think are fine may actually be going through tough times. Checking in regularly helps to ensure you’re there to support them when they need it.

4. Show Empathy.

When trying to build better relationships, showing empathy is important. Expressing understanding and compassion leads to deeper connections. It can also make communication easier and help resolve conflicts.

Empathy is the ability to understand and share someone else’s feelings. When you’re empathizing with someone, you’re trying to see things from their point of view. You’re trying to understand how they feel and why they feel that way. Their concerns become your concerns.

Empathy is different from sympathy, which is when you feel bad for someone experiencing a difficult situation. With empathy, you’re not just feeling bad for the other person; you’re connecting with them and trying to understand their experience.

If you’re not sure how to show empathy, here are some tips:

• Practice active listening. Pay attention to what the other person is saying and how they’re saying it.
• Try to understand their perspective. Try to put yourself in their shoes and understand where they’re coming from.
• Show support. Let them know you’re there for them and care about what they’re going through.
• Offer your help. If the situation allows, offer to help them however you can.
• Respect their feelings. You don’t have to agree with their point of view, but respect their right to have their own opinion. Always seek to understand and choose kindness over judgment.

5. Be Reliable.

Reliability is important in cultivating healthy relationships because it helps build trust. When you’re reliable, people know they can count on you to do what you say you will do. And they know that they can trust you to keep your word.

Be reliable and consistent in all aspects of your life. This includes your words, actions, and follow-through.

Nobody’s perfect, and you’ll fail to meet your commitments from time to time. But as long as you’re honest about it and you make an effort to improve, people will appreciate your effort and be more likely to forgive your mistakes.

6. Communicate Openly.

Open communication is essential for building trust and understanding in your relationships.

When you communicate openly, you share your thoughts, feelings, and needs with the other person. You’re honest about what’s going on in your life. And you give them a chance to do the same.

Open communication can be challenging at times. But it’s important to remember that the more you communicate, the easier it becomes.

Find time to communicate regularly. Make sure you set aside enough time to really talk and listen to each other. You can schedule regular date nights or call each other once a week to catch up. Create an environment where both people feel comfortable sharing.

Ask questions to start an open dialogue. Ask the other person about their day, their thoughts, and how they’re feeling. As your relationship develops, you can ask more in-depth questions, such as those on our list of questions to ask your friends and family, to get to know them even better.

If staying in regular contact feels overwhelming, start small. A brief text saying “thinking of you” counts. A five-minute phone call while you’re walking the dog counts. A voice memo sharing something that reminded you of them counts. Not every interaction needs to be deep or lengthy—sometimes the simple act of reaching out consistently builds the foundation for those deeper conversations when they’re needed.

Avoid silent treatment, criticisms, and other forms of passive-aggressive communication. These bad habits will only damage your relationships. Be willing to apologize when you’ve made a mistake. And try to clarify any misunderstandings as soon as they arise.

7. Be Willing to Compromise.

All relationships require give and take. There will be times when you will have to compromise. This is normal, and it’s a healthy part of any relationship.

Try to find a balance that works for both of you. This may take some trial and error. But as long as you’re both willing to work at it, you’ll eventually find a system that works.

Compromise doesn’t require you to agree on everything or for both sides to lose. Work collaboratively to find win-win solutions. Frequently, you can come up with solutions that benefit both parties involved, such as planning an outing that includes activities that you both enjoy.

8. Set Boundaries.

A relationship is not supposed to be all-encompassing or suffocating. Setting boundaries ensures that each party knows its limits and expectations regarding the relationship—whether in friendships, romantic partnerships, or professional relationships. The relationship can thrive and grow when both parties feel safe and respected.

Boundaries can be physical, such as not hugging or kissing someone when they don’t want to. They can also be emotional, such as avoiding certain topics or being honest about one’s feelings.

Think about what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not, and communicate your needs to the other person. And be willing to stick to your boundaries, even if it means saying no.

It’s important to respect the other person’s boundaries too. Just because you’re comfortable with something doesn’t mean that they are. It’s important to understand and support their wishes, even if they differ from yours.

9. Appreciate the Good Times.

No relationship is perfect, and there will be both good and bad times.

Take the time to enjoy the little things, such as a shared laugh or a quiet moment spent together. These are the moments that will help you get through the tough times.

When things are going well, take the opportunity to build up your relationship. Spend time sharing your thoughts and needs with each other. Plan fun things to do together, like going to a concert to hear happy music, taking a walk in the park, or enjoying dinner at your favorite restaurant.

Appreciating the good times will help strengthen your relationship and make it more resilient when times are tough.

Building Your Relationship Maintenance Practice

Understanding what makes relationships strong is one thing. Applying it to your own journey is another. This is where a structured approach to relationship maintenance becomes invaluable.

Research in behavioral activation therapy has shown that deliberately scheduling valued activities—including social connection—helps people maintain important relationships even during stressful or low-energy periods. Rather than waiting until you “feel like” reaching out, you create a sustainable system that builds strong connections through consistent, manageable actions.

The Relationship Maintenance Schedule

Not all relationships require the same level of contact. Family dynamics, friendship patterns, and personal preferences all vary. The key is being intentional about the frequency that feels right for each relationship:

Closest relationships (partner, best friends, immediate family you’re close to):

• At least one meaningful interaction per week
• “Meaningful” can range from a 10-minute phone call to quality time together
• Brief daily check-ins (texts, quick calls) help maintain closeness between deeper conversations

Important relationships (good friends, extended family, valued colleagues):

• At least one touchpoint every 2-4 weeks
• Mix of lower-effort contacts (texts, emails) with occasional higher-effort ones (video calls, meetups)
• Respond thoughtfully when they reach out, even if you can’t meet up immediately

Valued relationships (friends you want to maintain, distant family, former colleagues):

• At least one touchpoint every 1-3 months
• Can be lighter touches: commenting on social media, sending articles they’d enjoy, birthday messages
• Occasional deeper catch-ups (quarterly coffee, annual reunion) keep the relationship alive

These aren’t rigid rules—they’re starting points. Some friendships thrive on daily texts; others feel just as close with monthly calls. The important thing is creating a pattern that works for both people.

Planning Relationship Activities

Behavioral activation emphasizes matching activities to your available energy and circumstances. The same principle applies to relationship maintenance:

Low-energy connections (5-10 minutes):

• Send a text checking in or sharing something funny
• Leave a voice message while commuting
• Comment meaningfully on their social media post
• Send a thinking-of-you card or small gift
• Share an article or meme relevant to their interests

Medium-energy connections (15-45 minutes):

• Phone or video call catch-up
• Meet for coffee or a walk
• Cook a meal together (even virtually)
• Work out together or attend a class
• Run errands together

Higher-energy connections (1+ hours):

• Plan an outing (concert, museum, hiking)
• Host or attend dinner together
• Take a day trip
• Attend an important event in their life
• Tackle a project together

The goal is to have a variety of connection options so that you can maintain relationships even when time or energy is limited. A 5-minute text is better than waiting weeks until you have time for a long call.

The Rotating Call System

One particularly effective approach deserves special mention: the rotating call system. This simple strategy removes the mental burden of deciding “who should I reach out to?” while ensuring everyone gets regular attention.

Here’s how it works: choose 3-8 of your most important people and call a different one each week on a set schedule. If you have four people in your rotation and call one every Sunday evening, each person gets a meaningful conversation once a month—a manageable commitment that keeps close relationships strong.

This approach is backed by decades of research in behavioral activation, which shows that pre-scheduling valued activities dramatically increases follow-through. Research specifically finds that intentional social engagement—activities explicitly focused on being with others, like scheduled calls—is more strongly associated with improved well-being than simply being in the presence of others. When social connection is scheduled rather than spontaneous, it actually happens—even during busy or low-motivation periods.

Research also shows that regular contact frequency is strongly associated with relationship satisfaction and closeness, particularly in friendships which require more active maintenance than family relationships.

The rotating system also creates predictability for both parties. You know whose “turn” it is, and they can even anticipate when they’ll hear from you. This removes the anxiety of “am I bothering them?” and replaces it with “they care enough to put me on their schedule.”

It might seem unusual to schedule something as personal as phone calls with loved ones, but consider the reframe: the things we schedule are the things we value. A relationship that’s “important enough to be on the calendar” sends a powerful message that the person matters to you.

This approach came from personal experience—a family member independently created this exact system, adding each person to his calendar for rotating weekly calls. When you’d see “Call [your name]” appear on his shared calendar, you knew your turn was coming. It might have seemed unconventional at first, but it actually felt meaningful: important enough to be scheduled. That reframe—from “weird to schedule” to “valued enough to prioritize”—makes all the difference.

Overcoming Common Barriers

“I’m too busy.”

Start with micro-connections. Set a phone reminder for Sunday evenings to send three quick texts to people you want to stay connected with. Use “found time” like commutes or waiting in line to send voice messages. Quality matters more than quantity, but consistency matters most of all.

“I don’t know what to say.”

Keep conversation starters handy: “What’s been the highlight of your week?” “What are you looking forward to?” “I was just thinking about [shared memory]—remember when…?” You can also share what’s happening in your life and ask their thoughts. Vulnerability often invites connection.

“I feel guilty for not reaching out sooner.”

Don’t let guilt prevent you from reconnecting. Most people are genuinely happy to hear from you, regardless of how long it’s been. A simple, “I’ve been thinking about you and wanted to catch up,” is all you need. Apologize briefly if appropriate, then move forward.

“I’m going through a hard time and don’t have energy.”

This is exactly when relationship maintenance matters most—and when you need to lower the bar. Even during depression or grief, one text per week to your closest people can maintain the connection without overwhelming you. Let them know you’re struggling; real friends will understand and adjust expectations.

“They never reach out first.”

Some people aren’t natural initiators but deeply value the relationship. If the connection feels meaningful when you do interact, keep initiating. However, if you consistently feel like you’re the only one putting in effort and getting little back, it may be time to reassess how much energy you invest in that particular relationship.

Tracking Relationship Health

Pay attention to these signs that a relationship needs more attention:

• You can’t remember the last time you had a real conversation
• You’re surprised by major life updates you didn’t know about
• Interactions feel stiff or awkward when they used to feel natural
• You realize it’s been months since you last connected
• You’re making assumptions about their life rather than knowing what’s actually happening

On the flip side, healthy relationships show these patterns:

• You know what’s currently happening in each other’s lives
• Reaching out feels natural, not obligatory
• You can pick up where you left off, even after gaps
• Both people make some effort to maintain contact
• You feel genuinely happy to hear from them

Making It Sustainable

The most important principle: something is always better than nothing. A brief text is better than no contact. A 5-minute call is better than waiting until you have an hour. An imperfect attempt at connection is better than perfect intentions that never materialize.

So, start small. Pick your three most important relationships and commit to one small action for each this week. Maybe it’s a text to one person, a phone call to another, and scheduling coffee with the third. Build from there.

Remember, you’re not trying to be perfect at this. You’re trying to be consistent enough that the relationships you value don’t fade from neglect. That’s completely achievable with a bit of planning and follow-through.

Final Thoughts

Cultivating healthy relationships is both simpler and harder than it seems. The principles are straightforward: be authentic, be present, communicate openly, and show up consistently. The challenge is doing these things regularly amid everything else that demands your attention.

That’s why having both the principles (the 9 tips above) and the practice (the maintenance framework) matters. The principles guide what kind of friend, partner, or family member you want to be. The practice ensures you actually maintain those relationships rather than just intend to.

Start with one relationship. Pick one person who matters to you. Decide on one small, concrete action you’ll take this week to nurture that connection. Then do it. Build from there.

When you consistently invest in your relationships—even in small ways—you create a support system that enriches every aspect of your life. You have people to celebrate with during good times and lean on during hard times. You experience the deep satisfaction that comes from truly knowing and being known by others.

Your relationships are worth the effort. And you’re worth being in relationships where that effort flows both ways. We hope these strategies help you cultivate the meaningful connections you deserve.

Do Happy: Your Relationship Maintenance Companion

Implementing a relationship maintenance practice is much easier with the right tools. The Do Happy App is specifically designed to help you stay connected with the people who matter most—without letting anyone slip through the cracks.

How the Do Happy App supports your relationship maintenance practice:

Important People Organizer

Create profiles for everyone who matters in your life, categorized into manageable groups (family, friends, neighbors, classmates/colleagues). This helps you see at a glance who you’re staying connected with—and who you might be neglecting.

Smart Reminders

Never miss another birthday, anniversary, or important date. The app reminds you in advance so you can plan something meaningful, whether that’s a phone call, a card, or a gift.

Relationship Maintenance Tasks

Every week, the app provides two specific relationship maintenance tasks to keep you consistently connected:

1. Random relationship task: The app suggests a specific action to strengthen any relationship—like “take a loved one out for lunch,” “send a handwritten note,” or “share a meaningful compliment.” These prompts inspire you to nurture connections in varied, thoughtful ways.
2. Rotating relationship maintenance calls: You select 3-8 of your most important people, and the app automatically rotates through them each week, prompting you to call a different person. If you choose 4 people, you’ll call person 1 in week 1, person 2 in week 2, person 3 in week 3, person 4 in week 4, then back to person 1 in week 5. This simple system ensures your closest relationships get regular, equitable attention without you having to remember whose “turn” it is.

These weekly tasks make relationship maintenance easier, especially during busy periods when connections might otherwise get neglected. The combination of structured calls and varied activities creates a sustainable practice that keeps your most important relationships strong.

Personal Notes

Remember the details that make each person special: their coffee order, their kids’ names, the project they’re working on, their travel plans. This knowledge makes your interactions more thoughtful and shows you genuinely care.

Progress Tracking

See a record of all the connections you’ve maintained—every call, every note, every coffee date. This creates positive reinforcement, showing you that you ARE investing in your relationships, even when life feels chaotic.

Behavioral Activation in Action

The app implements the behavioral activation principle of activity scheduling specifically for social connection. Rather than relying on motivation or perfect timing, you get structured prompts that make relationship maintenance a consistent habit.

Download the Do Happy App today and start building a sustainable relationship maintenance practice. Your relationships—and your happiness—will thank you.

For more articles and advice on becoming a happier you, check out the a little dose of happy blog.

Sharing is caring!